


She Knows

by writerllofllworlds



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Morgana knows, Pain, not merlin and morgana romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 02:45:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17235857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writerllofllworlds/pseuds/writerllofllworlds
Summary: So, I hardly remember writing this. But I did. And I think it's kind of neat. So here.Love comments and all that jazz. As usual, I don't own BBC Merlin.





	She Knows

Morgana knew. 

Morgana  _ knew _ . 

Merlin realized it as soon as she met his gaze. It was not the glare of hate that he was accustomed to or the sneer of a queen looking down on a peasant. In fact, it was hardly a sharp look at all. If anything, it was… reverent. Which of course was ridiculous. Merlin believed he might have finally lost it. 

But then, her voice appeared in his mind. “ _ Hello, Emrys _ .” 

He supposed it was only a matter of time before she found out, but gods… it was so soon. Camelot had just returned to normality after her attack and Agravaine’s betrayal and honestly Arthur would kill Merlin with the state he was in if he found out after  _ that _ . Couldn’t she have found out just a couple months later? Could destiny, the old fart, not give him a moment’s peace? After everything, had he not earned that?

“ _ We meet at last _ .”

Merlin closed his eyes briefly and when he opened them again, the edges were blurry. He was unaware of the chaos that had erupted around them. Percival and Leon had caught sight of her on the hill, and Morgana’s men had caught sight of them. Both battalions charged at once, but the warlock did not move. He was frozen. “ _ Morgana _ .”

A single dark brow rose, but for once since she had been swallowed by darkness, her eyes were not filled with malice. More… intrigued than anything else. A bit bored perhaps. Merlin sucked in a quick breath through his teeth and said, out loud and lips trembling, “I’m sorry.”

He didn’t know why he thought she would hear it, but the way she took a step back and her eyes widened showed whatever response she had been expecting was not that. She stared at him, brows furrowed, for a solid minute. 60 seconds, no less. And then her reverie was shattered by a body falling at her feet. She looked once more at Merlin, still no hate in her gaze, and then with a shouted spell, she was gone. 

Merlin returned to Camelot, shaken and stirred. He had escaped the battle with a few scrapes and bruises that were all quite a bit bigger than he had let on. Arthur was already running down the steps towards them before Merlin’s feet were on the ground. One of the stable hands took the reigns just as the king crashed into his servant, wrapping him in a hug tight enough to break his spine.

Merlin had complained about the bruising later, while the monarch worried over every little scratch and did most of Gaius’s work for him in his concern. But after the king had gone, fond caress still warm on Merlin's cheek, the warlock turned to his mentor, eyes weary and the light a moment before gone. 

“Merlin?”

“She knows, Gaius.” he breathed. “Morgana knows.”

  
  


Merlin was so damn confused. He thought Morgana would hate him. He thought Morgana would loathe everything that he was - Emrys, Merlin, whatever. He thought she would want him dead. 

But here she was, at his side, hair pulled back in a delicate braid and eyes sparkling as if she’d never left. 

She appeared out of a gust of wind. If Merlin hadn’t been so damn exhausted he would have jumped out of his skin. But suddenly there she was, sitting on the rocks beside him, her black dress such a contrast against the blue horizon. 

“Hello Merlin.” she breathed. 

The warlock blinked slowly, absentmindedly looking down at the blood seeping through his shirt. “‘lo My Lady.” 

“Oh come now, we both know that you are much higher up the hierarchy than I will ever be,” she said calmly, also looking down to his wound. “What were you saving him from this time?” 

It was so odd to be sitting there with her, conversing as if they weren’t mortal enemies. “Wild boar.” 

The witch pursed her lips. “Bit anticlimactic if the great King Arthur can’t defeat a wild boar on his own.”

“It breathed fire.”

“Ah.”

“And its hooves were the size of cartwheels.”

The priestess scoffed. “I suppose that makes a difference.”

Merlin shifted upwards, grabbing onto the stones at his back to support himself. “Are you here to kill me, Morgana, because if you are I’d rather you go ahead. My side is, well, killing me.”

Morgana snorted at his horrible attempt at levity. “I am a priestess of the Old Religion who has done countless acts of horror and evil in your eyes and yet you joke while completely at my mercy. Your sense of self-preservation is dismal Merlin.”

The warlock nodded. “I’ve been told.”

“I’m not here to kill you, Merlin.” she breathed, and he looked up at her. She was staring at him, brows furrowed and eyes shining with tears she would never shed. She almost looked like that princess that was so confused at how hunting could mend a broken heart. 

“Then, pray tell, why are you here?”

She hummed, clasping her hands together and tearing her gaze back to the forest around them. “I’m not entirely sure myself. I just… felt like I needed to be here.”

“Magic sometimes does that.” He replied, but it was harsh, bitter. She laughed at that. 

“Yes, I suppose it does.”

There was a silence.

“Merlin?”

“Hmm?”

“Why did you poison me?” 

The warlock inhaled through his teeth, throat immediately tightening. “You were the center of the disease, Morgana. I had to - it was the only way to save everyone.”

“Everyone except  _ me _ .” it was cold, accusing. Angry. 

“Morgause wouldn’t have let you die. I had the antidote.” he closed his eyes tightly. “I didn’t want to do it, Morgana, I hated myself for it. I still hate myself for it! But, but I…”

“I understand,” she said tightly. “Though you may think I couldn't possibly, I do.”

Another silence, but this time they were looking at one another. Lo and behold, there in her eyes he saw understanding. He suddenly felt an overwhelming emotion he couldn’t quite name. 

“I don’t forgive you, Merlin.”

“I don’t expect you to ever forgive me, Morgana,” he whispered, eyes crinkling with tears. “After all, I will never forgive myself for what I did to you. It is, and forever will be, one of my greatest regrets.”

“One?” a dark brow rose.

He chuckled without any humor. “I have a number of greatest regrets. If you ever see the error of your ways and come back to us, perhaps I can tell you about them.”

“And yet you are the one who is content to serve a man who hates you.” she clicked her tongue. “You, Emrys, are the one who must realize the error of his ways.”

“Arthur doesn’t hate me.” 

“He will,” Morgana said, not a threat, just a fact. “Once he sees what you are.”

Merlin huffed in response, and she urged on. “When he turns on you, Merlin, and he will, who will you go to? Gaius? I’m sure he must know about you. But he will be unable to help. If I know you at all I know that the last thing you wish is to put him in danger. You can not run to your mother and endanger her or Gwen, traitor as she is. You certainly can’t trust the knights to side with you over their king.” Morgana licked her lips and sighed. “When all is over and your secret revealed, where will you run, Merlin? To where will you go?”

“Why are you asking this, Morgana?” He turned back to her, eyes hard. 

“Join me.” she breathed, eyes pleading. “I know you, Merlin, I know you love deeply. But your people need Emrys. They need you. Join me and when I take back Camelot I will let them all live - even Arthur, should you wish it.”

She moved, kneeling beside him and grasping his hands. “Just join me.”

Merlin searched her eyes for several long moments and saw nothing but sincerity. She truly wanted him on her side, she would genuinely spare all those he loved if he joined her. He could be free. Free at last. No more hiding or hating who he was. No more persecution or scathing remarks that weren’t intended towards him but burned anyway. 

It was tempting. Oh, how Merlin was tempted. 

But his answer was already chosen before he was born. 

“No.”

Morgana didn’t seem surprised by his response. Instead, her soft eyes hardened and her lips turned down. “Why do you stay, Merlin? They hate you and your kind. Why do you hide away in Camelot?  _ Why _ ?”

He remained silent. 

“I know what it feels like to hide like that, Merlin.” she snapped, fingers tightening around his. “I lived that, but you’ve lived it your entire life. Your best friend is a man who-,” and suddenly she stopped, eyes slowly growing wide. “Oh.”

Merlin tried for a smile, but it was more of a grimace. 

“You love him.” she breathed. 

He shrugged helplessly. 

“You poor fool.” and how shocking that was, to hear true pity in her voice, true sorrow. 

Yes, he was a fool. He knew that. 

“Well then, I suppose I shouldn’t waste my words.” she moved back to the top of the rock, wiping the blood from her hands. “I don’t want to have to kill you, Merlin.”

Merlin sighed heavily. “I know.” 

“Lancelot knew, didn’t he?” 

The warlock nodded slowly. “Yes.”

She looked at her slightly pink fingers. “He would look at you sometimes like he was waiting for something.”

“He loved Gwen.” 

“Yes.” 

“That was cruel, Morgana.”

“Yes.”

Merlin sighed, the pain finally making his vision cloudy. “I’m tired, Morgana.”

“...yes.”

“Are you tired?”

“Yes.”

Another long silence, only broken by birds and breezes in the leaves.

Morgana’s eyes continued to linger on her hands. “Do you ever just look at yourself... “ and suddenly she was talking to  _ her _ , and Merlin knew she had asked herself this over and over again. “What you’ve done… who you are… and wonder when you became such a monster?”

“Every day.” but Morgana knew he was not talking about her at all.


End file.
